The last thing you want to hear out of a partner's mouth is the name of his or her ex -- but talking about an ex doesn't always signal romantic doom. In fact, it can help build a solid foundation for your current relationship.
从你的男女朋友口中，你最不想听到的就是前女友的名字——可是，谈论前女友并不是总意味着你和他的恋爱快要终结，相反，这能为你当下的恋爱奠定坚实的基础。
Experts say the individual growth that leads to healthy, stable relationships begins with heartbreaks, and one of the best ways to turn past disappointments into future relationship successes is to share these experiences with your new partner.
专家告诉大家，一段好的、稳定的恋爱来自心痛和心痛后的个人成长。对你目前的男女朋友坦白那些心痛历程是从过去的痛苦中解脱，迈入新的成功恋爱的最好的方法之一。
But how should you broach the subject? If you've kept in touch with your former flames on social media platforms such as facebook, you've got an easy in, said Dr. Linda Young, a psychologist .
你要如何开口谈论这个话题呢?心理学家，琳达·杨说，假如你与你的前女友在脸书网如此的社交互联网平台上还有联系，你就能顺利的引入这一话题。
But dredging up stories of past flames can be treacherous, and it's worth taking the time to think about how to do it right. Here are five things to know before talking about an ex with your partner.
但重提旧事，谈论你的前女友可能有点背叛现任的味道，所以，花点时间想想怎么样正确处置此事将非常有必要。在你向男女朋友谈论你的前女友之前，要先知道如下五件事情。
1.Recalling past relationship mistakes makes you less inclined to repeat them.
深思自己在旧的恋爱中曾犯过的错误能叫你防止重蹈覆辙。
When you've been dumped, areas of the brain associated with addiction as well as physical pain light up, said Helen Fisher, chief scientific adviser to Match.com and a senior research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. Human brains have evolved to "attach" to other people after forming romantic bonds. When a relationship ends and that attachment severs, there's a huge emotional and physiological hit. After that, brain regions associated with processing what happened fire up.
Match.com的首席科学顾问，金赛研究所的高级研究员海伦·菲舍说，当他们提出分手的时候，你的大脑中那些与依恋感和心理疼痛感有关的地区都会趋于开心。在你和别人打造恋爱关系的时候，大脑会衍生出一种对他们的“依恋”感。当恋爱告终，这种依恋关系断裂的时候，你就会感到巨大的情感和心理打击。在这之后，大脑中相应的应付地区就会开心起来。
2.Talking about past relationships can give your partner insight into who you are.
谈论过去的恋爱能叫你的男女朋友深入地知道你。
Aside from the evolutionary benefits, talking about your exes can help you communicate to your new partner how you grew into the person you are today. Often, romantic relationships serve as learning experiences that let you test the boundaries of your interests and needs. Reflecting on a past relationship can even help you find out something about yourself that you may have missed during the relationship and breakup.
除去脑部机制这方面有哪些好处以外，谈论你的前女友还能够帮助叫你的新伴侣知道你是怎么样成长为目前的你的。恋爱关系总是能成为你知道自己的契机，叫你更好的看清我们的喜好和需要所在。深思过去的恋爱能能够帮助你更好地知道自己，知道你在那段恋爱中所缺失的是什么，而这种缺失的东西正是你们分手是什么原因。
3.When it comes to talking about an ex, timing is everything.
当你筹备谈论前女友的时候，选好机会是最重要的。
The beginning of a new relationship may not be the best time to drop the ex bomb. Fisher explained that there's no hard and fast rule when it comes to timing, but you probably want to give a relationship time to develop before adding in any emotional third parties -- i.e., avoid talk of your ex on the first date.
最初一段新恋爱的时候可能不是谈论前女友如此严肃话题的最好机会。菲舍讲解说，至于何时为最好机会，没固定不变的准则，不过，可能你会想先给当下的感情一点时间进步壮大，然后再涉及到感情上的第三个人——也就是说，在第一次约会的时候要防止提到你的前女友。
4.Remember that perception may not match reality.
记住，现实的才是最好的。
When Fisher polled a representative sample of 5,000 Americans for Match.com recently, she asked people how long it takes them to get over an ex and found the average answer was about three months.
菲舍近期在Match.com网站上对5000名美国人做了一个抽样调查，她问这5000人，他们要花多久才能忘掉前女友，最常见的答案是三个月。
"But you know what? It's one of the few things I didn’t believe," she said. "I actually don't believe that. I've seen people take 10 years."
“但你知不知道，这是世上我绝不相信的事情之一。”她说：“我当真不可以相信。我见过有人花十年才能忘掉前女友的。”
However long it may take you to get over an ex, how you talk about that person when you're in a new relationship can reveal a great deal. If you're still grieving over an ex, that can create a barrier between you and your current partner and signify that you're not "over it."
无论你要花多久才能忘掉你的前女友，当你开始新的恋爱时，你向他们谈论前女友的方法都会表现出来你对前女友的态度。假如你仍在怀念前女友，就会在你和现任的男女朋友之间设立一个障碍，告诉他们你的上一段恋爱还没“了结”。
You can still have fond memories of your exes and bring them up occasionally, but be wary of spending too much time dwelling on the past.
你可以对前女友仍然怀有美好的回忆，也可以想起他们，但假如你花了太多时间回忆过去，这就要引起警戒了。
5.Know that the reason you're talking about your ex is to move forward, not backward.
要了解，你谈论前女友是什么原因你要向前走，而不是向后退。
once you've shared the lessons of past relationships with your partner, it's best to continue to get to know him or her, form a new bond and create new memories -- don't let your current relationship stagnate. There's always more to learn about the relationship at hand, so you'll need to give it as much attention as possible.
当你和男女朋友推荐了关于上一段恋爱的教训之后，最好是进而去知道他们，然后双方打造新的情感联系，创立新的记忆——不要叫你当下的恋爱搁浅。对当下的恋爱，你永远应该更多地知道它，应该给予它尽量多的关注。
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